I fell for you so fast that none of my friends understand when I try to explain how hard I have fallen. I can't talk to anyone that is willing to understand.no one will even try. I can't even understand. alonso understands. tomorrow's his birthday.anyway. I still wish things were different and I hope one day you change your mind. or I hope I get over you. but it's like you wont let me. you're a trip, ms. C.

I don't know what this is.

I met a girl and she caught my eye from the start, I'm not gonna lie.

so I thought I'd befriend her. not knowing anything would happen, we became friends. I'd like to think we were good friends. I haven't even known her very long but goodness I have never felt so understood by anyone.

Life never made more sense than when my time was consumed by the moments we spent together. I don't even know how to bundle up words to explain how I feel about you.

at one point things changed and you were upset by how I was acting,. I know we weren't even together for me to act like we had broken up but rejection hurts just as bad sometimes and it hit me pretty hard man it was pretty bad but I'm still sorry for my reaction.

I'm still upset I will probably never get a chance to prove to you that I'm not just an inconvenience...

anyway, I mean this when I say it, I'd rather have you as a friend than nothing else...because like I said, I've never felt so understood. ..maybe I'm stubborn. maybe I'm stupid. maybe I'm in love with you. and I'm sorry if I am. I hope we never stop being friends.

I have no one to tell this to, no one that will even try to understand. and I wont bug you about what I feel anymore. but here this is. I just needed to let it out.

Panic!

I'm a bit over dramatic when it comes to scary movie previews on TV. When I am watching TV and I see a trailer for a scary movie, my first reaction is to immediately look away and cover my ears. It's like a reflex now. Then I look for the remote and press Mute. If I can't find the remote, I keep my eyes closed/ears covered and sing or hum.
Today, I was watching TV when the preview for Let Me In (which by the way, Isn't a scary movie and is just a rip off of Let the Right One In) came on. Let the Right One In might not have been a scary movie, but the preview for this new American version looks scary (to me). So, I did what I do in that situation, but I couldn't find the remote. I started to panic, and literally ran towards the TV and shut it off.
I know that any reader will now consider me a nutcase, but I'm just sick of being haunted by the images and creepy sounds from those previews shown on TV.

2001

Nine years ago, I was sitting in class being the mischievous little kid that I was in third grade. Of course I don't remember much about what happened, just that my teacher stopped everything and turned on the television so we could all watch the news. I don't think any of us knew what had happened. I asked my mom if the people from the buildings were flying and she told me that they were. I would have liked it better if she told me the truth. I remember in art class we drew stuff about that day, and I think I drew the towers on fire.. That was really inappropriate but I didn't know..
Sometime last year, I got really obsessed with 9/11 and started doing a bunch of research and stuff. I didn't understand then, but I understand now. So many lives were lost... and Today, people want to burn the Koran (Qur'an) as a "remembrance" of the victims. Americans were not the only victims. Now, all kinds of Islamic people are hated because of what has happened. Now there is no trust. Now everything is more hostile. People think it is difficult to trust people of another religion, as if that wasn't already a problem, it just got worse.
anyway...
Spare a thought for the ones who died on this day..
and if you could, check out this guys link, because I guess it kind of makes sense.
http://deathcab4booty.tumblr.com/post/1103440220/a-different-9-11

Friday

Friday was one hell of a day, so I thought I would tell you all about it.
It was a great morning. Got to school a few minutes before the bell rang and got to spend that time with Gabriel. That was nice. First period is fun because Stephany brings out the Goofy in me. She talks very loudly though, and does not know when to shut up. The teacher, Mrs. Nahar, ended up moving her to a different table because of that. I don't see why. We all get our work done. There's a bitch in first period that I really dislike. I call her Bitch from First Period. I think her name is Valerie. I wont waste anymore time writing about her.
Second period is also fun because.. the class just has a very chill vibe. hah, chill. I got that from Cord. He's in the class. :) I still have not been acquainted with everyone, but they all are nice. Even Alejandro. and everyone seems to dislike Alejandro. I'm not sure why.
I don't like third period. It is very boring and I usually sit next to a girl that I have never really liked... At least Cassie is in the class with me. I always like my walk to fourth period because I am walked to class by Gabriel and Cassie.<3
After school, Gabriel and I planned taking the bus all the way to the Spectrum. Tony though it was unusual to see Gabriel on the bus because.. well because he's a spoiled guy that never takes the bus and his parents were debating whether or not to let him ride it. arrived and went to McDonald's where a little kid tried to strangle Gabriel. Gabriel ate style three burgers. I had a Sweet Tea. :)
We walked to Harkins and when we passed by Best Buy, we noticed it was dark inside. The power was out. We kept on walking and every store was closed due to a power outage. I was about to get really pissed off when we arrived at Harkins and the power was out there as well. It was a hot day and the wind was even hotter. We searched for a place with shade so we could sit and wait because the lady said it would be a 3-4 hour wait. It was (3:40ish). We sat at some tables in front of that "paradise something" store and the lights went on almost instantly. We rushed back to Harkins and there was already a long line of people waiting to buy their tickets.
Then, out of the blue, it started to rain! I was so happy. It was awesome heavy rain, too. Oh and also, I finally had that kiss in the rain experience. (lol)
Gabriel bought the tickets and then some fries, and we headed to theater 17. It was nearly empty. During the movie, a worker came and told us to sit up, and that if we didn't we would have to leave. We had our feet on the seats next to ours because the theater was practically empty. Damn. That lady would have totally gotten me in a bad mood if the movie wasn't so awesome. (Takers).
My mom picked me up and I went home. I usually tweet from my phone and when I saw that none of my tweets were on my profile, I checked facebook. I also update facebook from texts sometimes, and the ones I had sent that day were not on my wall. I asked people if they had received any texts from me that day and they all said No.
I hate virgin mobile. I checked the website, and nothing. Apparently it's the virgin mobile service because my friend is having the same problem. I was receiving texts hours after they were sent. It is still not working properly.
Friday was a strange day.

C/O 2011

Today was the first day of school for students of Sunnyside High School. I was expecting so much. When I registered and got my schedule, I was, for the first time, happy with all of my classes and the order they were in. First day of school. I slip on a T-Shirt that I made. It has my name on it written in huge letters. There's also a robot and spaceship. I love that shirt.
I get to school about 5 minutes before the bell rings and make it to class just in time. My physics teacher has a Mideastern accent, which sounds kind of cool, but I could hardly understand her. Also, I heard she's a real bad teacher. I hope that isn't true because I do not want to go through the long process of changing my schedule. She assigned us seats. There were a lot of cool people in the classroom, and I got stuck with a table filled with guys. Two of them I think are football players...Great.
Second Period. Electronic Journalism AKA Blue Devil News! I was stoked for this. Tony and Cord say it is a really cool class. When I got there, there were more people than I was expecting and there were only three girls. Tony was so obnoxious. be it the good kind or the bad kind, I like his obnoxious attitude. It puts me in a good mood. Anyway, Mr. Castro also seemed cool. I hope I learn about the stuff I missed out on freshman-junior year..
As I entered third period, (American Government with Mr.Mendoza), I saw a bunch of people talking to one another. I don't like entering a full room and just standing there looking for a seat while other people are possibly staring, so I sit in the first seat I see and it just happens to be in the front row...ugh.. A few seconds later Cassie comes in. I think I smiled a smile too wide but I don't care, I had not talked to her since May, of course I was happy to see her! Mr Mendoza made us throw a ball around the classroom. It was a bit bigger than a globe. The ball had questions written on it. It was like musical chairs. Whoever caught it had to say their name and answer the question. So many people didn't bother catching the ball, they just slapped it away, which caused tons of people to get hit in the head.
I decide to walk Cassie to her fourth period, which is in the 400 hall. I just happened to cross paths with Luz. and what a coincidence, we had the same fourth period. Tra-la-la-la, we walked to AP Spanish and I've gotta say that class was really fun. I think there were less than twenty people in that class. I don't mind. As long as I at least know one person.
Lunch.
I see Gabriel. He's with friends and I don't want to bug him.. I keep walking in the same direction because it was too late to turn, but I try avoiding him. I see him leave his friends. Oh well. We have kind of been disputing since yesterday and I think he thought everything was okay between us. but it wasn't. He made my life a living hell today. I tried not to think about it but I can't help it. I think I have mentioned this before, I am pathetic.
Lunch ends and I go to class. Intermediate Algebra with Mr. Dye. That hour was just a blur I just remember laughing a lot. He is a funny guy. I hope he's a good teacher too.
6th period. The first day of school is nearly over and all I can think about is how pissed off I am with Gabriel. I wish I could let things go, but I can't. and it isn't something anyone can just let go of anyway. (sorry for getting off topic.)
Mr.Fischer, my Honors English teacher. When I walk into his classroom, I am glad that the desks are facing away from the door. No eyes staring. I see Shelby and sit next to her. I don't think she noticed or even cared but I poked her and said hello. That's when I see the paper on the desk and the first thing it says is that we are not there to socialize. Whatever. I get to reading and soon, writing. Tony finally comes in and sits next to me. He's not as obnoxious. It's cool though. I wonder if he will cheat on tests in this class. It will be mighty tough and I'm not sure I want to help with that anymore. The paper I wrote is terrible but I turn it in anyway because It's not like I have a choice..
The bell rings and I leave. I go to the front of the office like always and Gabriel is there. I don't acknowledge his presence and stay with my group of friends. It bothers me that he sees me but doesn't say hello. Later he comes by and pulls my hair. That is no way to say hello to a girlfriend. Everything he did and didn't do just ticked me off. My mom does not get to school till about an hour later and I am so pissed off and sad and frustrated especially after waiting in the sun, all I want to do is cry. but I don't. I can't cry in front of my mom and I'm not sure why. Whatever. I get home and I can't even eat, that's how upset I was.
I hope my second day as a senior is better.

Finders Keepers Losers Weepers

Someone I know found a purse at a store the other day. She didn't tell me about it, but I listened in on her conversation with my mom..since I was like right there... anywhooo... She was talking about how she found a purse at a grocery store.. She looked through it and I'm pretty sure she wasn't looking for the persons contact information because the first thing she mentioned was finding $160 in the purse. Now, I don't know what $160 is to you guys, but I think it's enough money to be pissed off about losing. and this lady that my mom was talking to...She was so inconsiderate! She went to Home Depot and bought some wood stuff for her house.. Then she mentioned some more about what she found while snooping through the purse. An I.D. This girl is a UofA student! A nineteen year old struggling student. Struggling because she also mentioned that there were receipts or something from La Frontera. If you guys don't know what that place is, look it up or something.. So, even though she knew that this nineteen year old UofA student was troubled, she didn't bother contacting her to give her back her purse filled with cards and bank account receipts and other important stuff. My mom said she has done this before. She found a woman's purse and she took the money and threw the purse away when she got home. That purse belonged to a woman who had just arrived from Mexico. (She found it in one of those shuttle places that take people to and from Mexico.) Gosh, I am just really frustrated with this lady... Would you return a money filled wallet/purse? I would. That's something you just should not do. You don't know how hard a person works for their money. You don't know anything about a person so you shouldn't take from them.. Do people not have consciences anymore? Jeez... =/

sneaking around with the moon

Sometimes you just need to go outside and stare at the moon and stars to calm your mind. Tonight was the perfect night for that. There was a light breeze blowing through my messed up frizzy ponytail and it felt nice. From my front yard you can see all of the city lights. That's one of the advantages of living on a desert hill, I guess. I saw the moon from my window but decided I needed to go outside to really get a good look at it.
I love when the moon looks like a banana and you can still see the dark outline of the part of the moon that isn't being lit up and shining down on planet Earth. I also love going outside at night. I don't know why but it is becoming a habit. A habit that my mom doesn't really appreciate. Before she went to bed she begged me not to go outside so late at night. I thought it was funny, but I guess I understand why my mom would be concerned with me being outside at 4am staring at less than half a circle in the sky.
So tonight I "sneaked out". It felt like I was in a movie. I was actually tip toeing. and I even did that thing where you bump into a very loud object. It wasn't loud but I yelped. :P I'm so lame... Well, I was outside just standing there and I hear the door whoosh open and then loudly swing back and forth. I didn't close it all the way and the wind made it open all dramatically.. My mom heard it and rushed down and started yelling at me. I was amused. I really should go to bed though.
Oh, the picture isn't from today, it's from July third. I was trying to take one of today's moon but since my mom made me go back inside I kind of couldn't. She doesn't know I'm on the computer hehe, I'm trying to type all quietly. Well, good night/morning, everyone.

- Sharon

It's so weird....

There are people you know just because of the internet. but... you don't even know them. I'm not talking about people you send friend requests to to get to know them or whatever. I mean people that are just there. You see them everywhere. on your friends picture comments, status comments, bulletin comments, whatever it is, they're commenting away leaving their profile picture there for you to see. Anyway, yesterday I was hanging out with a friend at the mall and I saw a girl that I see everywhere on the internet. and it was funny and weird how I recognized her. What's my point? I don't know, it is just funny how you can familiarize yourself with a person like that, without even talking to them or anything....

Beautfiul People

I was at Safeway today with my mom.. Soda was on special and well, I love Coca-cola <3
Another thing that I love: Good looking men :)
Well I was going down the isle of cake mix and flour and stuff and I saw the back of this tall guy and I was enticed by his hair. I don't know what the deal is with me and hair.. He turned around and that's when I caught a glimpse of his green eyes. Colored eyes are the best! So that's all I saw of him because I didn't want to keep staring like a creep... Seriously though, this guys image is burned into my retinas. Like when you look into a light bulb too long and all you see for the next five seconds is the blinding afterglow of the filament. This is kind of longer than five seconds though. :P

ItsKingsleyBitch

I love this guy. He complains in ways that just make you want to high five him.

Give Me a Break!

Update on the ear surgery: It is scheduled on August 20something and the pre-surgery is August 12. bummer. since school will just be starting and August 12 is like 3 days after my birthday.

BACK TO THE BLOG

you know how sometimes you want to cry, but you can't? you want to cry because sometimes you just have so much pain and anger, not bottled up, but kept inside and the only way to relieve yourself from it is by crying. but you can't! you're sad enough to cry. you're angry enough. but you just can't cry. I don't feel this way or anything. I was just thinking about it.. Sometimes when I get bored I start to think about things and I go too far with my thoughts. Then I write it down so I wont forget about the thoughts. and now I'm typing it up.

Virgin Mobile sucks. my monthly payment was coming up so I asked my mom to buy me one of those 20 dollar top up cards. She did. Then I added that $20 to my account but realized I needed more because they charge taxes. So my mom got me a $10 top up card. but while she was at the store, I had been texting. without having payed the bill. So I was unknowingly being charged like 20 cents per text message so by the time my mom got home I had wasted like 15 dollars on texts. She didn't want to go back to the store so I had to settle for a different plan that does not include unlimited text messaging. Oh well.

I want to do something. I have been so bored lately. and I have actually been reading a book. It's called Something Rotten. It's a Hamlet rip off.

Day Dreams

I fell asleep at around 5am yesterday..I woke up at 11 but went back to bed. During that time, I had a dream.. I still remember some of it and I feel like writing it down because to me it was interesting... I was with tony, by my house. We were about to board the city bus. I couldn't find my dollar. Two buses were hinged together, like on trains, and I sat on a hinge. The bus driver started driving but then we came to a sudden stop. The lady got out of the bus and started yelling at me and chasing me. (this was really scary to me for some reason..) When I started running I was close to my house, but then I was inside the school cafeteria. Well, the outside looked liked Sunnyside's cafeteria. But I was really inside of Liberty's cafeteria. I sat down and ate chips with Gabriel. then we were walking on a desert trail outside, by my house again. I'm trying to remember the rest of the dream.... anyway... I woke up and a while later I realized that the bus driver looked a lot like Tony's aunt, Tracy... I just reread this whole thing and it is not interesting at all... whatever, I'm posting this anyway.

To: Christian Lozano

These are the only pictures I have of you. I remember the great times we had in elementary school. We were even married for a while. :) You were nice to me, but I was always a jerk. I hope you didn't take it personally, I was a big jerk to everybody in elementary school. I always thought you were cool. We didn't talk much in middle school though. I don't know why I am writing this as if you'd even be reading it lol.... I hope you had a badass birthday in heaven. Rest in peace, friend.<3

Almost Four

I wonder if this changes anything. I told him I wasn't happy with the way things are going in our relationship. He asked me if I was going to break up with him. I am wondering if I should have said yes. He didn't even ask why. He's such a guy. hmm, what a meaningless post.
Drawing inspired by CelsoJunior.

Sexual Attraction

This guy. He has a girlfriend. he is my ex boyfriend. he was sort of a player 'til he found this girl. they made/make a pretty good couple. This guy, He's always wanting to hook up with other girls. What is up with that? Can he not be happy with the girl he has? I mean come on, the girl is pregnant! Apparently she does not want to be with him until the kid is born or something. (Says him.) So anyway, he actually starts talking to me about old times and getting back together, oblivious to the fact that I have a boyfriend, or just not caring about that. So i'm just like WHATHEFUCK, no. Even if he is not with the girl it is kind of messed up that he only wants to get back together for a month. Oh and now he's mad at me for not agreeing to be his play thing for the next month. haha, I was listening to the song In the Next Room by Neon Trees and that's why I titled this "Sexual Attraction" ....even though it sort of makes no sense.......

Sad Little Girl

Confession: I can't draw hands. Unless the hand is wrapped against something, clenched or semi-hidden, I can't draw it. I can't live like this!! :P but really... It bugs me! I suck at drawing hands. Why the random drawing? I don't know.... The thought of being in outer space has always frightened me. Things always go wrong when people are there. In movies, in real life. It's just scary. And there's no way to get help. You're all alone.

Surgery

Today, I went to see an Otolaryngology Surgeon."Otolaryngologist"(???) I'm trying to remember the word.. Anyway. I didn't know I was going to see a surgeon. I'm not sure what I was expecting today, maybe the doctor to stick something in my ear to plug the hole... I just did not even think about surgery.

Okay, so I get there and the doctor starts talking to me and the first thing he recommends is surgery. And I'm just like.....I don't know, but I did not like the idea and I'm sure my face showed it. When the doctor left, I asked my mom if we could just leave. I'm not sure, maybe I watch too many shows that involve hospitals and show surgeries, but surgeries freak me out. People die in the shows I watch! Am I being too dramatic? He said it was a very common procedure and it's extremely safe. And he had a lot of certificates hung up on his wall. My mom wants me to get the surgery... I am such a wuss. :/

the doctor used that one tool to look into my ear and showed my mom how big the hole was. The hole is 20% of my eardrum. He explained the surgery to me. He would make a cut in the back of my ear and.... shoot, i forgot what he said, he takes something from the back of my ear or something and creates another eardrum out of that, then places it under my eardrum. and that's it. In 6ish weeks my eardrum would be just like new and I'd be able to hear better and no more ear infections. yay.

I am still scared......... I had a dream last night that I went completely deaf and blind. I don't know how the blind part is relevant but hey that's my twisted mind for ya!

Pretenders

I was watching Grey's Anatomy. Shepherd was not ready to give up on their relationship but Meredith ended it and now Shepherd is with some other girl named Rose. I can't help but feel like Meredith when she looks at Shepherd. She still loves him. She can't stand the fact that Shepherd is with another woman. Shepherd also still loves Meredith but he seems to have forgotten what he saw in her. They can still fix things. They can still go back to the good ole days. (and they do, the episode I was watching was a rerun.)

This is not the situation that I am in. In my situation I am a ghost. Well, less than that. Some people can see ghosts. I am less than a fading memory and it cannot be fixed. Not that it needs to be fixed because after all, I have moved on, right?

Pachanga/Water Benders

Facial hair fascinates me. If it is nicely trimmed, of course. I dislike when teenage guys let their facial hair grow when they obviously cannot fully grow anything besides what looks to be patches of pubic hair on their faces. Nobody likes that. It is like kissing a prickly pear.

Speaking of desert plants, I almost ran into a cactus last night. or, tonight? well, it's 2am, so Last afternoon. Yesterday, Lupita had a "pachanga" and it was pretty badass. there were like 7 people and we split into two teams. Ossiris and Emilio were on my team. against 4 other girls. When we ran out of water balloons, we used the water hose. I was drenched in water. Emilio, Ossiris and I got in Ossiris' car and went to buy water guns. We came back and had a water gun WAR, which was EPIC. Later, the three of us discussed Avatar: The Last Airbender. Total geeks but it was cool. :) When most of the people were gone I was sitting while everyone else was dancing. My butt started to hurt, so I went to talk to the DJ, Lupita's cousin, whom I had met once before. He had been drinking. His breath was smelly. He was cool though. Lupita's dad had been drinking too. He's a fun drunk. I'd like to thank Lupita for having a nice get together and for giving me something to do on the weekend. I want to go to the zoo. I don't think it's open on sunday though. hmm.... The lion died anyway so what's the point...

oh and an update on my last post, I got the apology but I was an asshole about it. I don't regret it.