the blind bandit

I finally colored the drawing of Toph. It took me forever because I worked on it on and off all day today. I enjoyed working on it though. My mom thinks I did a good job. :P

Beffrie.

I was watching Grey's Anatomy again today. Online, because I need to catch up on the episodes that I have missed. Tony's out of town today. Still upset that I could not go with him. I was texting him earlier. Told him that I was crying because the show was really sad and one of my favorite characters had been shot. He called me a pussy. Now imagine what he would call me if I told him I missed him LOL.. He is a good guy :) .. I am pathetic..

It's that time again...

Cramps and mood swings are the things I hate most about PMS. I get the worst cramps. This morning they woke me up. I am not good at dealing with pain to begin with. So there I was, squirming, trying to go back to sleep but I was in too much pain. I look for Midol but the bottle's empty. Why would I even keep it if it was empty? stupid. My mom made chamomile and then I ate a banana. I feel a little better now but the pain comes and goes. Ugh. why does this have to be monthly??? It a horrible thing to have to deal with. and to think, I have to deal with this till I'm 50!! And then I'll be going through my midlife crisis and menopause and it'll just be the same thing. BULL CRAP I really dislike being female sometimes.

Hook, Line and Sinner

My mom is white, has green eyes and brown hair and is tall. I am dark have dark brown hair and eyes and I am short.

Hook, Line and Sinner is an episode of Grey's Anatomy that I just watched. An 18 year old girl gave birth to a baby boy. She would be a single mother if she had not decided to give the child away to a couple who was actually prepared for children. I could tell the 18 year old and her father were devastated but in the end I am sure they knew they made the right choice. I cried while watching this.

My mother also gave me up after she gave birth to me. She was in her early twenties and after her third kid, I think she thought, "enough is enough, I can't handle anymore children, I am going to give this one away." and that is exactly what she did. She gave me to a friend of her friends. She barely knew the lady. I'm glad she did it though. I love my adoptive mom. I would much rather she be my guardian than some alcoholic that goes in and out of rehab.
I wish I could be a better daughter to her though.

I have only seen my biological mother once or twice. I can only remember the second time. When I was younger, and after my mom told me that I was adopted, I would always ask if she could ever take me to meet my "real mom". At the time I didn't realize that I was probably hurting her feelings... One day she finally took me to meet the lady. I was nervous as heck. When we arrived to her house, she wasn't there. My grandmother, sister, and brother were home though. It was weird..because I tried talking to them and they just looked at me.. Then I realized they only spoke spanish.. I didn't talk much afterward. Later, I finally met my biological mom. In rehab. There was a lot of crying. I don't love that woman.

I don't know what the point of this post is, or if there is even a point to it, but I have not told many people about this, not because I don't want to, it just rarely comes up you know?.. and well it kind of felt good to type it all up.

Monday

Here it is. The time during summer when you forget what day it is. I thought for sure that today was Monday. It's not like the day really matters though, because I have nothing scheduled or anything. Nothing really special anyway. man, everything from yesterday is resolved. and I could not be happier. :) No, wait, I could be happier. Tony invited me to go to Phoenix with him tomorrow and my mom wont let me. She says it's because Phoenix is far and dangerous and all that motherly stuff but I know it's because she doesn't trust Tony. That's my fault I guess for letting him pierce my lip without her permission, hehe. I really wanted to spend at least a day with Tony before he left for camp... Curses. :(

diiistractionzzz?

nothing productive has been done so far today. I woke up this morning and I was sad. I had a great dream, but it was one of those dreams that you forget about the instant you wake up. I know it was a good dream though because when I woke up I was sad to realize it was just a dream... I need to distract myself from a lot of things right now, that's why I'm just writing gibberish, sorry. I think I am going to go outside and ride my scooter for a while... maybe.. I am gonna eat first.

impatience

Here I am, sitting at my computer desk trying to resolve things with Gabriel. Without having to apologize, though, of course, because I shouldn't have to. >.> ... Knowing that someone is online, and knowing that they read your IM and then waiting for that person to reply, is really really hard to do when you are an impatient person. I should probably stop waiting because he obviously is not going to write back. I feel pathetic. I shouldn't but I do. I am also talking to Luis, and though it isn't working, he is trying his hardest to make me feel better and keep my mind off of this situation. If you're reading this, thanks, bro. :)

Saturday Morning

Last night was a real bummer. I don't know what I am doing wrong.. Is this the end of what I thought was going to be a magnificent relationship? Who knows... anyway, I woke up early today and decided to be productive. or, well, what I consider to be productive. I ate breakfast and sat/walked outside. I don't spend much time outside. and when I do, I don't really enjoy nature. But today I did. It was nice. I saw a humming bird. I love humming birds. and a squirrel took a flower from one of those Nopal plants. There are many of those surrounding my house. I love where I live. It's beautiful.. well, when I went back inside I pulled out a few sheets of paper and started drawing. I drew Toph. Toph is an awesome badass. I jut had to draw her I don't know why I never drew her before!

Share Bear

Share-bear. Cassie gave me that nickname a while back. Every time she would yell it I would respond with "Cassie Cakes!!!!" Now a few more people refer to me as Sharebear and I always get the urge to yell out "cassie cakes" in response, when it isn't her calling my name haha. I miss my friends and acquaintances dearly.

best friend

I miss Tony. I haven't talked to him since the last day of school. I forget what we did after school but I know we hung out for a while. I'm feeling kind of sad. I miss him. I hope he has fun at camp.

good morning?

I wish i had more to do this summer. for Christ' sake it's my last summer of high school before everyone leaves to college, I should be enjoying it more. I feel bad for last night. I have a feeling i really pissed someone off. So I went to sleep upset. I hate going to sleep upset. I didn't get my root canal yesterday. I got prescribed to more pills and THENNN i'll get the root canal. I waited an HOUR just so the dentist to talk to me for 2 minutes. It really pissed me off. Anyway, I'm starving. Can't take the pills without food but I took them right when I woke up. Oh well, i hope I don't throw up or anything.

blahh.issuesss.

Gabriel and I always argue about extremely stupid things. And it is mostly ME who starts it or it is usually ME who is angered by the smallest thing.. I'm such an asshole.. We were just fine before we started going out. He is just a big a jerk as I am though, so....

EYES

I never thought i would be so obsessed with drawing eyes. I was never aware of how much detail and how patient you had to be to get the eye to look realistic. I like drawing eyes. Now I just have to learn to draw entire faces.