Give Me a Break!

Update on the ear surgery: It is scheduled on August 20something and the pre-surgery is August 12. bummer. since school will just be starting and August 12 is like 3 days after my birthday.

BACK TO THE BLOG

you know how sometimes you want to cry, but you can't? you want to cry because sometimes you just have so much pain and anger, not bottled up, but kept inside and the only way to relieve yourself from it is by crying. but you can't! you're sad enough to cry. you're angry enough. but you just can't cry. I don't feel this way or anything. I was just thinking about it.. Sometimes when I get bored I start to think about things and I go too far with my thoughts. Then I write it down so I wont forget about the thoughts. and now I'm typing it up.

Virgin Mobile sucks. my monthly payment was coming up so I asked my mom to buy me one of those 20 dollar top up cards. She did. Then I added that $20 to my account but realized I needed more because they charge taxes. So my mom got me a $10 top up card. but while she was at the store, I had been texting. without having payed the bill. So I was unknowingly being charged like 20 cents per text message so by the time my mom got home I had wasted like 15 dollars on texts. She didn't want to go back to the store so I had to settle for a different plan that does not include unlimited text messaging. Oh well.

I want to do something. I have been so bored lately. and I have actually been reading a book. It's called Something Rotten. It's a Hamlet rip off.

Day Dreams

I fell asleep at around 5am yesterday..I woke up at 11 but went back to bed. During that time, I had a dream.. I still remember some of it and I feel like writing it down because to me it was interesting... I was with tony, by my house. We were about to board the city bus. I couldn't find my dollar. Two buses were hinged together, like on trains, and I sat on a hinge. The bus driver started driving but then we came to a sudden stop. The lady got out of the bus and started yelling at me and chasing me. (this was really scary to me for some reason..) When I started running I was close to my house, but then I was inside the school cafeteria. Well, the outside looked liked Sunnyside's cafeteria. But I was really inside of Liberty's cafeteria. I sat down and ate chips with Gabriel. then we were walking on a desert trail outside, by my house again. I'm trying to remember the rest of the dream.... anyway... I woke up and a while later I realized that the bus driver looked a lot like Tony's aunt, Tracy... I just reread this whole thing and it is not interesting at all... whatever, I'm posting this anyway.

To: Christian Lozano

These are the only pictures I have of you. I remember the great times we had in elementary school. We were even married for a while. :) You were nice to me, but I was always a jerk. I hope you didn't take it personally, I was a big jerk to everybody in elementary school. I always thought you were cool. We didn't talk much in middle school though. I don't know why I am writing this as if you'd even be reading it lol.... I hope you had a badass birthday in heaven. Rest in peace, friend.<3

Almost Four

I wonder if this changes anything. I told him I wasn't happy with the way things are going in our relationship. He asked me if I was going to break up with him. I am wondering if I should have said yes. He didn't even ask why. He's such a guy. hmm, what a meaningless post.
Drawing inspired by CelsoJunior.

Sexual Attraction

This guy. He has a girlfriend. he is my ex boyfriend. he was sort of a player 'til he found this girl. they made/make a pretty good couple. This guy, He's always wanting to hook up with other girls. What is up with that? Can he not be happy with the girl he has? I mean come on, the girl is pregnant! Apparently she does not want to be with him until the kid is born or something. (Says him.) So anyway, he actually starts talking to me about old times and getting back together, oblivious to the fact that I have a boyfriend, or just not caring about that. So i'm just like WHATHEFUCK, no. Even if he is not with the girl it is kind of messed up that he only wants to get back together for a month. Oh and now he's mad at me for not agreeing to be his play thing for the next month. haha, I was listening to the song In the Next Room by Neon Trees and that's why I titled this "Sexual Attraction" ....even though it sort of makes no sense.......

Sad Little Girl

Confession: I can't draw hands. Unless the hand is wrapped against something, clenched or semi-hidden, I can't draw it. I can't live like this!! :P but really... It bugs me! I suck at drawing hands. Why the random drawing? I don't know.... The thought of being in outer space has always frightened me. Things always go wrong when people are there. In movies, in real life. It's just scary. And there's no way to get help. You're all alone.

Surgery

Today, I went to see an Otolaryngology Surgeon."Otolaryngologist"(???) I'm trying to remember the word.. Anyway. I didn't know I was going to see a surgeon. I'm not sure what I was expecting today, maybe the doctor to stick something in my ear to plug the hole... I just did not even think about surgery.

Okay, so I get there and the doctor starts talking to me and the first thing he recommends is surgery. And I'm just like.....I don't know, but I did not like the idea and I'm sure my face showed it. When the doctor left, I asked my mom if we could just leave. I'm not sure, maybe I watch too many shows that involve hospitals and show surgeries, but surgeries freak me out. People die in the shows I watch! Am I being too dramatic? He said it was a very common procedure and it's extremely safe. And he had a lot of certificates hung up on his wall. My mom wants me to get the surgery... I am such a wuss. :/

the doctor used that one tool to look into my ear and showed my mom how big the hole was. The hole is 20% of my eardrum. He explained the surgery to me. He would make a cut in the back of my ear and.... shoot, i forgot what he said, he takes something from the back of my ear or something and creates another eardrum out of that, then places it under my eardrum. and that's it. In 6ish weeks my eardrum would be just like new and I'd be able to hear better and no more ear infections. yay.

I am still scared......... I had a dream last night that I went completely deaf and blind. I don't know how the blind part is relevant but hey that's my twisted mind for ya!

Pretenders

I was watching Grey's Anatomy. Shepherd was not ready to give up on their relationship but Meredith ended it and now Shepherd is with some other girl named Rose. I can't help but feel like Meredith when she looks at Shepherd. She still loves him. She can't stand the fact that Shepherd is with another woman. Shepherd also still loves Meredith but he seems to have forgotten what he saw in her. They can still fix things. They can still go back to the good ole days. (and they do, the episode I was watching was a rerun.)

This is not the situation that I am in. In my situation I am a ghost. Well, less than that. Some people can see ghosts. I am less than a fading memory and it cannot be fixed. Not that it needs to be fixed because after all, I have moved on, right?

Pachanga/Water Benders

Facial hair fascinates me. If it is nicely trimmed, of course. I dislike when teenage guys let their facial hair grow when they obviously cannot fully grow anything besides what looks to be patches of pubic hair on their faces. Nobody likes that. It is like kissing a prickly pear.

Speaking of desert plants, I almost ran into a cactus last night. or, tonight? well, it's 2am, so Last afternoon. Yesterday, Lupita had a "pachanga" and it was pretty badass. there were like 7 people and we split into two teams. Ossiris and Emilio were on my team. against 4 other girls. When we ran out of water balloons, we used the water hose. I was drenched in water. Emilio, Ossiris and I got in Ossiris' car and went to buy water guns. We came back and had a water gun WAR, which was EPIC. Later, the three of us discussed Avatar: The Last Airbender. Total geeks but it was cool. :) When most of the people were gone I was sitting while everyone else was dancing. My butt started to hurt, so I went to talk to the DJ, Lupita's cousin, whom I had met once before. He had been drinking. His breath was smelly. He was cool though. Lupita's dad had been drinking too. He's a fun drunk. I'd like to thank Lupita for having a nice get together and for giving me something to do on the weekend. I want to go to the zoo. I don't think it's open on sunday though. hmm.... The lion died anyway so what's the point...

oh and an update on my last post, I got the apology but I was an asshole about it. I don't regret it.

Excuses

SCREW THEM. I listen to Cage the Elephant when I'm angry and I don't really know why. I wish I could have seen them live the other day. Today was terrible. I don't like letting people get the best of me but thanks to one person I have been having the worst time ever. It is bad to hold grudges, but this isn't really a grudge, I just feel I deserve an apology.

Tiny Little Robots by data-1

three months

I guess that's not a long time to be with someone, but I feel it's an accomplishment considering a lot of relationships these days last no longer than a few weeks. No matter how bad of a memory I have, I will always remember the first time I met Gabriel. I'll admit, it was kind of stupid. I was selling candy for DECA and he came up to me and asked to buy candy. I honestly forgot about him the second he left. I didn't realize he had bought candy from me multiple times 'till one day he sent me a message or comment or something on myspace and, I don't know, we started talking. not just on myspace but at school I would spend loads of time with him. He probably doesn't know that I know this, but he would always wait for me after school by the gate outside of school when I would walk to the bus stop. I would usually ditch my friends and go talk to him because when my friends were around he wouldn't say a word. It's funny, how two people like each other and neither says a word to the other about it but everyone else knows. So one day I finally told him that I had feelings for him. Nothing changed. and I was fine with that, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I guess a few weeks later he asked me out and now we're here! A weird couple that argues a lot, but hey, I'm pretty happy to be with him. I'm sorry you had to read this lovey dovey blog post....

Alejandro

Her odd videos get to me and I'm always trying to figure out WTF her point is haha. This video is about gay rights, right? I think... I think It's about the "don't ask don't tell" policy. they're gay military men. they resemble Nazis i guess, i don't know.. I think her message is about how brave and strong and courageous the gay community is. its dedicated to them? I'm no obsessed, dedicated fan of Lady Gaga, but she IS a badass woman. .. Appreciate this sliver of life.

Oyidos!

I went to the doctors today.again. It was a different one this time. I don't remember her name but she was cool. I was wearing my TWLOHA shirt and she complimented me on it. I thought it was pretty badass that she knew what is meant. She also had this handsome intern walking around with her. :P
Anyway, back to the medical stuff. So, the woman checked my right ear and once again I was told about the huge hole in my eardrum. and I once again told her that I had difficulty hearing through that ear. She filled out a form and I am going to be sent to an ear specialist or something, and my ear is gonna be fixed. Some cellophane type of material is going to be used to cover the hole so I can hear better. I wonder how that's gonna be done. And I hope it's not uncomfortable...
Right outside of my house there is a ginormous Palo Verde tree and a bunch of other plants. There are SO MANY BUGS flying around the plants and whenever the front door is open they fly in and it's so irritating I wish there was a way to get rid of them I have inhaled too much bug spray!!!!

(the picture above is not the one outside of my house, I just found that picture online LOL.)

Flab

my cousin has this scale and she made me get on it and I weigh 93 pounds. She did something on her phone and she told me that I am underweight. I know I am not fat but I really don't think I am underweight. I have a chubby stomach and semi-flabby arms lmfao.

hmm... It's 3am. I don't know why I always choose to blog this late at night.or, this early in the morning. The other day I was up at 5am and wanted to watch the sunrise but I fell asleep and woke up at ten. :P

On another note, my mom had called my doctor and she said nothing could be done about my ear but then called back yesterday and today I have an appointment with an...whatever you call an ear doctor.. I am nervous. About what exactly? I'm not sure. What if I really don't have anything and it's just a waste of time. or what if nothing can be done and I just lose hearing from my right ear over time.

... I have a 5.5lbs bucket of red vines and I have eaten half of them in just a day... hehehehe :D

Michelangelo

I want my turtle back. I am still mad at my mom for giving it to my cousin. She already had two and one of them escaped and died! Now she does not want her turtle or my turtle. They are outside under what I think she said was an avocado tree. BTW, in the picture my turtle is the one way at the top. the smallest one. it never grew. GRRR I just want to take both the turtles home with me but my mom will not let me. :(

I miss ya buddy.

- Sharon

PILLS

Ever since that dentists appointment, I have been taking some pills. I think they are what's keeping me up. I find myself not wanting to go to sleep because I'm not tired At All. They don't fill me up with energy or anything, I just don't feel the need to sleep. Maybe it's the pills. Maybe it's all the sugary drinks I have been drinking. I was eating a Milky Way right now and it was SUPER hard. I guess that's what happens when you put candy in the fridge. Tootles!

The Flash

It took four days to get the finished product. I can't work straight through things. I take hour long breaks haha. I am kind of dissapointed with how suckish it looks.

I Listen but I Can't Hear

When I was a kid, maybe 6 years old, myringotomy tubes (ear tubes) were placed in my ears because I had some sort of infection going on. In time the tubes were supposed to fall out and the incision that was made for the tubes to be placed would heal up by itself. They did fall out. About a month ago I had a physical. The doctor checked my ears and asked if I had had surgery some time. She said there was a hole in my right ear drum. I sort of freaked out because in all my years of checkups, no other doctor had ever told me this. That's when I realized that the hole is probably why I just hear muffled sounds from my right ear and also, whenever water would get into that it would hurt like hell. For the longest time, whenever I would put headphones on, the right headphone always sounded of lower sound quality. I thought it was the headphones, till now of course. Recently, my right ear's hearing has worsened. It's terrible. If I cover my left ear and someone is talking, I can barely hear a whisper. My mom called the doctor today and I have an appointment in a few days I think. I hope this can be fixed.

Guilt

I seriously feel guilty when I am up late using the computer. It is just a waste of electricity and I could be sleeping or something. Less websites should have white backgrounds. It wastes too much energy. I got paranoid about that ever since I read it at www.SavesWatts.com .. by the way, you guys should set that as your homepage and use it as your search engine. I just want to turn off my computer but I can't! I am drinking the last vanilla coke. My mom needs to buy more. I'm just staring at the computer screen and wasting more time OMG! I have this flashlight that you wind up and it doesn't use batteries or anything, it's pretty cool :) .. I am gonna go look for my telescope and look at the stars. I can see the moon through my window. It looks yellow.. Pretty.. I'M OUT!

A secret of mine.

I don't like chain letters. Especially the ones that tell me I am going to die if I don't send it out to all of my friends. My secret: Just to be safe, if I see "fwd:" at the beginning of the text, I don't read it, to avoid its evil wrath. Yeah, it's silly, but whatever.